These are beliefs which many people in our society hold about Domestic Violence. This includes victims, perpetrators and others not so directly involved. These beliefs are unhelpful, not simply because they may be untrue in specific circumstances, but because we tend to act as if they are always true for every case. Workers may also have misconceptions about Domestic Violence therefore, it is important for them to challenge their own beliefs and attitudes towards this social problem and, where necessary, seek help to deal with any issues of violence.
It is difficult to know the true extent of Domestic Violence due to three factors; the hidden nature of the problem, under-reporting and the rare identification of Domestic Violence as a separate crime which, therefore, does not appear in statistical data. There are, nonetheless, broad estimates of the extent of Domestic Violence, suggesting that the behaviour is widespread, almost to the point of being a normal, expected behaviour pattern in many homes. Between one in three and one in ten families may be affected. (Straus, Gelles & Steinmetz, 1980)
Wife Battering Is A Predominantly Lower Class Phenomenon
Once again, a lack of accurate statistics cannot reflect the distribution of this problem. Workers may assess that violence is a problem for working class people because women in families on lower incomes are more likely to come to the notice of helping agencies. Middle class women are less likely to seek assistance because they fear personal embarrassment and the possible damage to their husband's careers if the violence was disclosed. (National Committee on Violence, 1989) Research indicates that there are no socio-economic barriers to Domestic Violence. (Straus, Gelles & Steinmetz, 1980)
Wife Battering Occurs More Often In Some Ethnic Groups Than Others
Studies have shown that patterns of Domestic Violence do not vary between different subcultures because Spouse Abuse can manifest itself in any society where there is an unequal power imbalance between men and women.
Alcohol Is The Main Cause Of Domestic Violence
Even though the consumption of alcohol is a precipitating factor to triggering violent incidents in the home, it is not the major cause of Domestic Violence. Alcohol 'frees' some men up to act in certain ways by disinhibiting them from displaying aggression. Some may drink to give themselves 'courage' to assault their partners. 'Being under the influence' at the time of the assault may provide the perpetrator with what he feels to be an excuse for his behaviour however, drunkenness is never an excuse for violence and many men who drink are not violent to their partners. Drunk drivers are not seen as unable to help their behaviour, and their drunkenness is not seen as an excuse for the damage they cause.
Battered Women Must Have Done Something To Deserve A Beating
It is widely believed that the woman's 'nagging' or other 'unreasonable' provocations push the man to breaking point. These, so-called, 'provocations' range from simple requests such as money to feed the children and being able to see family and friends to failing to have a shirt ironed 'properly', not having the meal on the table at the 'right' time or refusing to be silenced.
Studies do not support this, suggesting instead that the decision to be violent has more to do with the man's rather than the woman's behaviour. In fact, most victims of Domestic Violence do everything they can to pacify their partners to avoid further violence. (Queensland Domestic Violence Task Force, 1988) A 1984 Scottish study found that one in three domestic incidents was not preceded by an argument. In the other two incidents, verbal conflict preceding the violence appeared to have been deliberately instigated by the perpetrator. Australian research for the Office of the Status of Women in 1988 indicates similar findings.
Violence is never an acceptable method of solving conflict in relationships, nor do partners have a legal right to assault each other, whatever they may claim to have been the 'provocation'. Nobody asks for, or deserves to be, abused. Responsibility for the violence rests entirely with the perpetrator.
Women Who Are Battered Must Be Crazy Or Neurotic
This misconception focuses blame on the woman and what could be wrong with her to make her stay in a violent relationship. Studies have shown that women in violent relationships are no more psychiatrically or psychologically disturbed than other women. What we may label as 'crazy' or 'disturbed' behaviour are often tactics adopted by battered women in an attempt to survive in a very difficult, intolerable and possibly life-threatening situation.
Battered Women Are Masochistic And Probably Enjoy The Abuse
Most members of the community fail to understand the difficulties faced by women who wish to leave a violent relationship therefore, they assume that, because she stays in an abusive environment, the woman must accept or receive pleasure from the abuse in some way. This is not true. There are many reasons for staying but pleasure or acceptance of the abuse are not among them.
Once A Battered Woman, Always A Battered Woman
Most women who have successfully managed to escape a violent relationship alive are very careful to choose a different type of relationship the next time. Some may also choose to remain alone rather than risk another potentially violent relationship.
Battered Women Are Probably Uneducated And Have Few Job Skills
The educational standard of battered women ranges from the basic to Doctorates. Most of these women receive greater satisfaction in their home lives than their careers and are often willing to change or abandon their jobs if they believe it might end their husband's violence.
Battered Women Can Always Leave
It is difficult for many people to understand why the woman in an abusive relationship does not leave. There are many economic, social and emotional factors which operate to make it extremely difficult for a woman suffering Domestic Violence to leave her partner. Some of these factors include: being brought up to believe that real fulfillment comes from being a wife and mother; encouragement by family and counsellors to stay in the relationship; feelings of inadequacy in providing the physical resources necessary for the needs of their children. It may take several years and several temporary separations before she is able to permanently escape the abusive relationship. Factors restraining women from leaving violent relationships include:
Economic Dependence: To leave often condemns women and children to a life of economic hardship. A 1982 Victorian Domestic Violence Phone-In Survey found that economic reasons were given by 42% of women victims when asked why they stayed with their partners. Problems associated with finding alternative accommodation were cited in 27% of cases.
Staying Because Of The Children: In the same Survey, 49% of Victorian women believed that keeping their marriage together for the sake of their children was another reason which contributed to preventing them from leaving the violent relationship.
Fear Of Reprisals: Many women are justifiably fearful that leaving the relationship will not end the violence. Many women are pursued and further abused when they leave. It is a 'Catch 22' situation whereby they are beaten if they stay and risk being killed if they leave. Figures indicate that nearly half of all women murdered by their spouses are separated, or in the process of separating, at the time. (Wallace, 1986)
Lack Of Knowledge And Access To Help: Despite Community Education
Campaigns on the issue of Domestic Violence, many women still lack the knowledge to enable them to take advantage of their legal rights such as applying for Intervention Orders or Supporting Parent Pensions. Even if they are aware of these services, some women may experience problems in obtaining proper access due to language difficulties, inappropriate responses from service providers or living in isolated areas.
Social Isolation: Most victims of Domestic Violence have either chosen to isolate themselves from family and friends due to the shame they feel about the violence that is occurring or the lack of understanding displayed by these people in response to the disclosure of the violence or because their partners have deliberately tried to isolate them from these sources of support.
Emotional Dependence: Conflicting feelings, due to the cyclical nature of the violence, and a commitment to the relationship, often contributes to a woman staying in an abusive situation under the false hope that her partner may change and the violence will stop.
Shame: After years of abuse, the self-esteem of most women has been eroded to the point where they no longer have confidence in their own abilities and believe that there are no other options.
The men themselves often believe this. In fact, it is this misconception which allows men to avoid the issue of taking responsibility for their acts of violence. Many men are capable of accepting this responsibility once they are taught some strategies for positive change.
While it may be helpful in the short-term for men to learn how to control their abuse as a strategy for ending violence against women, there is no guarantee that other, subtler violence will be eradicated. The crucial issue is that men use violence to control women and unless men are willing to relinquish this control by working towards changing their beliefs and attitudes about women, then short-term strategies, such as anger management, do very little towards achieving positive and sustainable long-term social change.
Violent Men Are 'Sick'
There is no evidence to suggest the belief that violent men are 'psychologically sick'. Violent men often present well in public, (appearing very reasonable and 'respectable') are not usually violent outside of the home and are capable of being quite charming and loving. It is this fact which often makes it difficult for women to disclose the violence. Also, the control which they exercise over their behaviour outside the family is evident when beating their partners, ensuring that the injuries inflicted will not be obviously visible in public. This is due to learned socially 'acceptable' violent behaviours and attitudes towards women which can make positive and sustainable long-term social change very difficult.
Regret And Remorse On The Part of The Man Means He Has Changed
While violent men can appear to enjoy the effects of the abuse, they often feel remorseful about resorting to violence in order to achieve their ends. However, regret and remorse is not indicative of change neither does it mean that he is prepared to relinquish the power he has within the relationship. Even though the batterer may try to 'buy-back' his partner after a violent incident by being loving, sensitive, communicative and playful at times, it does not mean that he has changed.
Violent Men Can't Or Won't Change
Some men may appear to change in the short-term by controlling the physical violence but still continue to use the other forms of control. This is primarily due to the fact that attitudinal change is a difficult and time consuming process. Unfortunately, research indicates that at least 40% of men continue to beat their partners during their participation in programs for violent men. (Pence, 1990)
"He's great to work with - so easygoing..." "He's one of the most popular guys in the club - a real family man..." "He's never been in any trouble with the law - an upstanding citizen..." "He's always been utterly charming - such a nice man..." "Everybody likes him - he never causes any trouble..." "He's done a lot of work for our church - we couldn't do without him..." "He beats me..." WE DON'T BELIEVE IT!
Violence Is A Healthy Release And Is Understandable
It is arguable that it is healthy for people to be aware of, and to deal with, their anger. There are strategies for doing this which achieve the 'release' without endangering people. However, where anger and violence are used to control people, learning strategies to release anger does not address the underlying power and control issues.
The Relationship Will Get Better
Also known as 'if you ignore it, perhaps the violence will go away'. These relationships are stubbornly resistant to change are rarely do so without specific intervention. Even with the best therapeutic help, change is usually a slow and difficult process.
It Is Best To Keep The Family Together To Work On The Problem
Separation may be necessary for the woman (and the children) to be safe. Keeping the family together or encouraging a reconciliation may increase the risk of harm or death.
Page designed and maintained by W.I.S.E. - Women's Issues and Social Empowerment The reproduction of the HTM and/or any graphics contained on this page is strictly prohibited!
Copyright (c) W.I.S.E. - Women's Issues and Social Empowerment, 1998.
Updated: Tuesday, 6 January 1998
